JOURNEY... where am I?

God's Freedom. God has changed me so much, I finally value myself and believe in myself. I have always been my own worst enemy and I finally appreciate the strengths and weaknesses I see in myself and want God to fill the holes, to be my everything... While I before said I surrendered, I was still holding on, I still wanted control. I wanted something to be my way, and that was keeping me from the truth and freedom that I could have experienced. When Jesus says that he wants us to have full life, that phrase has so much depth and breadth within it that we can never comprehend. But what we can do is live in the moment, trusting in who God is and who he is in us that he is working and has a plan and purpose. It sounds so cliche but I have finally come to this place where I can trust God, not having everything figured out. Knowing he has something for me SOOO much better than I could even imagine for myself. God's truth has set me free!

God's love. Before I can even grasp any sort of what love is I have to get to know Christ. Christ is love. And in that I can love who Christ made me to be. He made me in his creation, as a beautiful masterpiece. While I am not complete, each portion of the process is beautiful and Christ refines my heart and soul. For so long I was not willing to let God love me like I knew him to love others. I could believe God's power and strength to be sufficient in others lives but doubt him in my own... This was not okay. I did not feel I was worth it or I was good enough to believe in that for myself... Who put this lie in my head!! So I had to endure the process of putting my hope and trust in false things besides the glory of the Lord. Understanding God's unconditional and perfect love is what life is supposed to be. Love is scary, but it is so amazing, powerful, and transforming. Love gives freedom and purpose. Love is life. Christ is love. We were created for most importantly a relationship with him. But also in fellowship to interact, empower, to feel, to be, to smile, to cry, to laugh.

God's timing. I love knowing what is going to happen, planning things out so they work perfectly... but life is not perfect. sometimes we have to go with the flow and trust. After I experienced some major setbacks, I wanted things to be perfect instantly, I wanted to be free, I wanted to feel like myself again. I had always put on the facade that everything was okay... but this was far from the truth. But only the past couple months have I felt even close to the person I knew was inside of me. If it were up to me, it would have happened alot sooner. God has different gauge of timing. There was so much more I had to learn in the process. I had to give myself time to fully heal... which took alot longer than I thought it would have.

Be still and know that he is God. I have often struggled with finding the time to slow down and enjoy. It is so easy to fill your life with busyness and pouring out. I now know how much I need to be filled so I can continue to pour out The more time you spend with Christ the more you will know the heart of God and continue to be filled with his presence. I struggle with this all the time. Thinking of mary and martha, I am challenged to be still, to be in the present, to live in the moment. Sit in the presence of the Lord, There is a time and a place for everything... God is the Lord of all...

So here's to where God has brought me, where I am today, and his plan for my future.